Disclaimer: I am in no way saying this is the only way to know if your child is ready to be saved! You are their parent, and you know your child better than anyone. I fully believe God will give you wisdom to know how to walk with your child through their personal salvation. I am simply sharing with you a process that was taught to me that I found valuable and effective.
We all tend to ask, “Are they too young to understand? Do they really grasp what they are doing? How can I know for certain that they are truly ready for salvation?”
It would be much easier if there was a formula, or a particular age where they could walk through certain steps and then “get saved”. But the Bible doesn’t give us a formula or an age or specific steps. What God does give us, are scriptural principles, individual wisdom, and parental wisdom. And yes, I do believe that these things will help you determine when your child is ready for salvation.
My father, being a pastor, has had hundreds of conversations about this exact subject with parents, and often their children as well. So, of course, I would talk to him about Wesley’s salvation frequently. Through his decades in ministry, his wisdom surrounding salvation has tremendously helped parents through this crucially important process, and I was no exception. I thank the Lord to this day, for his discernment in this area.
The thoughts of salvation begin in many ways at home. Some children will say, “I want to get baptized”, or “I want to ask Jesus in my heart” or “I want to walk down front today to pray with the preacher”. There are various ways that a child can express their desire for salvation. As their parents, it’s our job to use wisdom in these situations to best guide our precious little people.
I am not saying this is the only way to guide your children through their personal salvation. Only the Lord can directly guide you through that. I am merely sharing some much-valued wisdom that was given to me, which I am thoroughly grateful for, as I walked with my own child through this process.
Let me get one thing out of the way. One piece of this process will likely make your jaw drop. It did me, too. However, it was that jaw-dropping step that was incredibly beneficial through the process. Hang in there with me, all the way through. If you do not agree with these ideas, that is okay! I just felt the need to share the advice that was given to me, because it worked wonderfully in my own child’s life (and mine, also).
Step one:
Children need to know they are sinners! This is very important. Some parents do not want to teach their children that they are wrong. I’ve personally heard some parents correct their children by beginning with, “You’re not in trouble, you didn’t do anything wrong, okay? I just want to tell you…” And then they proceed with the correction. This is not helpful when it comes to sin. A child needs to fully understand their own sinful nature. Kids desperately need to know that they are wrong, that they do wrong things, and that the Bible calls this sin. This is imperative! Recognizing their sin is the only way for them to realize that they also need a Savior to rescue them.
If you’re consistently telling your children that they are good inside, or that they never do wrong things, they may not come to the realization that they are wretched before a holy God. I’m not saying to tell your children they are terrible. Of course not! When you correct your child, the conversation may sound something like this: “What you did was wrong. We have all sinned. You, me, dad, your brother, we’ve all messed up or done wrong things. That is why God came to earth, to save us from our sin.” Or maybe it would sound like this, “Hey Bud, you disobeyed me. I told you to go brush your teeth and you didn’t do it. You continued to play on your screen. That is disobedience and that is a sin.” Conversations like this open up the door to show, in love, that your child is in fact a sinner, just like the rest of us. We certainly don’t want to emotionally hurt them over their sin, but we don’t want to sugar coat it either.
Sometimes, when children began asking these types of questions, parents would bring them to my dad’s office for an appointment so that my dad could talk to them. One of the questions he would ask them was, “Do you know what sin is?” Many would answer “yes”. Then he would follow that with, “Have you ever sinned?” Some would answer, “Oh, yes!” in a serious way. Other times, the child has said, “Oh no. I have never sinned,” which is a great indicator that they are not ready for a true salvation experience. He would also ask about Jesus being on the cross and why that part of the story is important. One child responded that God and Jesus got into a fight and at the end, Jesus ended up the cross. Needless to say, he knew that child wasn’t ready yet! (He had some great children come through his office and some brought some really, funny answers. I believe God truly has a sense of humor!)
Step two:
God is the one who will draw them. In John 6:44 , it says that no one can come to the Father unless they are drawn by him. Teach this! This is another vital part of salvation. God wants to speak to them. He wants to show them how much he loves them and how much he desires to save them. Teach your child that God will speak to them. He will draw them at some point. Remind them that it will not be heard in their ear, like a normal, audible voice, but they will undoubtedly “sense” God. Assure them that they will know when it’s the Holy Spirit’s whisper. Teach them to listen for God to speak to them. It’s a great idea to begin asking God to speak to them in your prayers each day. Teach them that God promises to speak to us during the reading of his word, through pastors at church, and through his creation. Repeatedly talk about listening for God’s spirit to speak to them.
I personally remember, when I was younger, being afraid of being left behind. My dad, mom, and brother had all been saved and baptized. I had not been! When I was around the age of five, I was in the car and my mom and brother were talking about heaven and I began crying in the back. My mom asked me what was wrong and I said, “I am not a Christian! I won’t to heaven with y’all!” My mom said, “Have you heard God speak to you and have you told him ‘no’?” “No,” I replied. “I haven’t heard him speak to me.” My mom sweetly said, “Lauren, you have nothing to worry about it. You’ll know when it’s Jesus speaking and then you can respond.” It calmed my fears!
Step three:
Your child’s response is necessary for salvation. Teach them what to do when they hear God’s voice! A child might sense God, but do they know what to do when they sense him? Give them guidance on exactly what to do when they hear that heavenly voice, which is to respond to their Father. At this spiritual drawing, it is their responsibility to respond to the Lord with an answer to his voice. Are they willing to follow him? We pray they will say, “yes”! This response must only come from them. I know we’d all love to respond for them, on their behalf, but we cannot. They must make their own decision of faith. Salvation is a surrendering of their will, to the Father’s will. This is a decision that we all must make on our own.
Just like the other steps, we can guide them here, too. As you discuss salvation, you can talk with them about this special response. Teach them that when they hear God’s voice, it is time for them to respond with their own decision. This conversation might sound like this, “When you hear God speaking to you, that is when you respond to the Lord by saying, ‘Lord, I know I am a sinner, and I need a Savior. I want you to come into my heart to live and I want to obey you all of my life.’” Will they always surrender their whole will to the Lord’s? No. We struggle with that too, and we are adults. But it’s a really good idea to teach them that when we ask Jesus into our heart, we are making a life committment that we want to obey him and to surrender our will to his will.
Step four:
Put them off! This is the hardest part, the jaw-dropping part! When they first come to you and say that they want to get baptized or that they want to ask Jesus in their heart, put them off. Doesn’t that sound terrible? I know it does, but please hang in there with me. Putting them off is very helpful in the process of knowing whether this is real for them or not. If this is simply an idea they have in their own mind and the Spirit hasn’t drawn them, they’ll let this go and move on. But, if they continue to bring it to you repeatedly, then that is, most likely, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will continue to prompt them, and your child will continue to talk to you about it if it is truly God’s voice speaking to them. This is a great indicator that they are ready, and God is truly drawing them into a relationship with him.
Why is this piece so important? Because the last thing we want to do, when it comes to our children being saved, is to tell them that they are saved, when they really aren’t. We don’t want them to grow up believing that this little magic bullet prayer or a baptism at church saved them. This has happened to people, many times, and it’s an eternally dangerous place to be.
I will admit that this concept made me a nervous wreck! In fact, when my son was five years old, he came into the living room and said, “I want to ask Jesus in my heart.” I was so excited, but my dad’s wisdom rolled over in my mind, so I kindly and gently put him off. I responded and said, “That’s great, Wes. We can talk about that tomorrow sometime.” And then I tucked him back into bed.
That seemed terrible!
And to be honest, it was terrible! It felt awful. I worried, “Have I made a mistake? I don’t want him to miss Jesus! What if God is really speaking to him and I’ve just ruined it?” But I prayed and continued to ask God to guide me. I wanted Wes’s salvation to be true. I called my parents and talked to them about it, also. My dad gave me words he had given me before, “Lauren, God wants Wes saved even more than you want him saved. Trust him. He’ll walk you through this.” So, I left the conversation with Wes alone. Wes and I continued to talk about the Lord and we’d read our Bible each night, but he didn’t bring up asking Jesus into his heart anymore.
Then, over a year later, we were sitting in church, after the sermon, and while we were singing the last song, Wesley looked over at me and his words were significantly different. He tapped me, “Mom! I just heard God speak to me…and I asked Jesus into my heart.” I said, “really?!” He said, “Yes. Really.” I said, “Well, let’s talk to Pops about it this afternoon.” He couldn’t even wait until the end of the song. He asked if he could run down to the front of the church and tell Pops what just happened. I let him. My dad did the same thing that he’d taught me to do. He put him off. He said, “I love that you’re thinking about this. Let’s talk about this later this afternoon.” We went to lunch together and that afternoon my dad took Wes golfing. On the way home, Wes brought it up again in the truck to my dad and said, “Pops, when are you going to talk to me about what happened in church today?”
He could not let it go. The Holy Spirit was pressing on his little soul. This was it.
End of Steps
I am so thankful that I waited, so glad that I put him off that first time. If I had prayed the prayer with him a year before, we potentially could have missed this sacred moment. He would have thought he was saved, I would have thought he was saved, but he wouldn’t have been. Could God have done a work in his life later? Of course. However, with this insight, I was able to help Wes navigate this idea of coming to faith on his own. For my own son, it was only one time that I needed to hold him off. It may be more than that for your own child, or maybe your child truly is hearing God the first time they bring it to you. Either way, I do believe this process will help you discern if your child is ready.
In my opinion, one of the enemy’s greatest ploys is to make people believe they are saved…when they aren’t. How hazardous this would be for our sweet children! If they believe they are saved when they aren’t, there is potential that they won’’t respond to the draw of the Spirit because they won’t think they need to. I don’t think any of us want that to happen to our children!
So, as much as you’re willing, put your child off, hold them off, and wait. Wait until you see that the Holy Spirit is truly working in their heart. This gave me considerable peace as I walked with Wes through it all. I hope it brings you the same peace!
